Here's my perfect night: I come home, get into bed, and fall asleep before my head hits the pillow. No bad thoughts keeping me up and tossing me back and forth. Last night was not such a night.
Even in the happiest of times, I've had difficulty sleeping. When I was very young, I was plagued by night terrors and
when I was older, spent hours staring at my ceiling as I waited to nod off. When I was about eight years old, my parents took me to a psychiatrist who specialized in sleep disorders. She told us that my sleep issues were stress related-- I hold myself to very high standards and I have a tendency to replay anxieties and fears in my head before sleep. Much like a shark can never stop swimming, my brain can never stop thinking.Last night I got into bed at midnight. The last time I glanced at the clock, it was 4:30 am. Suffice to say, I'm exhausted right now. Just completely physically and emotionally drained. Between the stresses at work and at home, my shark of a brain has been on overdrive. And we're talking a swimming speed of 60 mph. (Some shark trivia: the average Great White Shark swims at a speed of 25 mph, with top speeds of 40 mph when prey is near. Yowsa.)
Many friends have suggested numerous techniques which they claim will help clear my mind of negative thoughts. Here are the top relaxation tips of all time:
- Reading (When something is bothering me, I'm completely incapable of reading. I find myself finishing a page and not remembering what I just read. Talk about a slow read.)
- Yoga (Stretching before bed, sitting in the lotus position, saying "Omm Omm" over and over again? So far, no dice. I just wind up tensing up pulling something. More like "Oww Oww.")
- Listening to music (Bad idea, because I always wind up relating my problem to the one described in the lyrics. I could listen to Michael Jackson's "Thriller" and still relate it to me. It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark. Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart. Fast forward to me, in tears, moping about that evil in my own personal dark. Pathetic, I know.)
- Watching tv (This is the method I use most often, with little to no success. I wind up watching some truly innovative broadcast programming into the wee hours of the morning. Prime examples include The Real Housewives of Orange County, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, and Top Chef. The list continues. In the rare instance that I do fall asleep with the TV on, my dreams feature orange housewives with well-rounded asses trying to bake souffles in quick-fire challenges. Oy.)
- Staring at the ceiling (It's not quite a relaxation method so much as it is an exercise in futility. If all else fails, just wait until you're so exhausted you can't keep your eyes open. This is why I don't fall asleep until 4:30 am.)
Despite all evidence to the contrary, I've been looking forward to a long, happy life and I'll be darned if I don't live it well rested.
5 comments:
Oy. You're missing the most obvious choice here, the one that works everytime, the one you can do by yourself.
It rhymes with fasturbation.
Focus on tensing and relaxing one part of your body at a time and then move to the next. Clench your toes (count to 3) and then relax them (count to 3). Work your way up your body one part at a time until your done. If it doesn't actually get you to sleep, 1) it distracted your brain for a while, and 2) at least your body will be more rested.
And, cute shark in the photo.
I'll second the fasturbation but for something less vigorous try exercising before going to bed.
I have the same problem and exercise (the kind that won't make you go blind) does the trick 90% of the time. I recommend aerobic exercise, like running, because that will wear out your whole body. Going to bed feels great after a good workout. Pro tip: try not to work out right before bed-adrenalin will keep you awake.
As for the mental aspect, try to compartmentalize your stress-inducing thoughts. Imagine folding them and putting them in a drawer or whatever imagery works for you. I am so jealous of my wife, she always falls asleep right away. Clear conscience, I guess.
Good luck and sleep tight.
Cuddling. Always works for me. That and sex. And if you don't have someone around to help out, Sigur Ros is pretty incredible. It has lyrics, but they don't make any sense. It's the paramount of sleepy-time music.
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