This is a real conversation that took place yesterday. Over the course of two hours, Jon tried to convince me that I actually liked techno. Here is what transpired:
me: Could you give me new music to listen to? You're like my sole source of new tunage.
Jon: Try "Colours" by Hot Chip.
me: What am I listening to?! This is borne out of your secret love of techno isn’t it? It’s like gateway techno for indie-philes.
Jon: I’m going to get you to like techno. Or at least some electro stuff.
me: Oh man, I thought better of you.
Jon: You need to watch this: “I Was Born A Unicorn” by The Unicorns.
me: Ok, alright. Like that.
Jon: That’s step 1. Step 2, phasing in the electro. Now check out this jam: “Jellybones” by The Unicorns.
me: Ok, this is cool.
Jon: Excellent. My plan is working.
me: You’re so brilliant and awe inspiring. However do I keep from soiling myself in your presence.
Jon: Shut up. Listen. “Electric Feel” and “Time to Pretend” by MGMT.
me: Ok, this is cool, but this isn’t normal techno.
Jon: This isn’t techno. It’s electronica. Indie-rock electronica.
me: Sigh. I guess I like this. But I still think techno sucks.
Jon: Easy there tiger. We’re moving in that direction.
me: Dear God, no!
Jon: Give it a chance. My goal in this is a perplexed Pumpernickel breaking down and publicly admitting she likes electronica on her blog.
me: Never!
Jon: Moving on. Check out “Dawn of the Dead” by Does It Offend You Yeah.
me: That’s the name of the band?!
Jon: Just go with it. Thoughts? Does it offend you? Yeah?
me: Damn you, Jon! This is good.
Jon: YES!!!!
me: But this isn’t techno! I stand by that.
Jon: Ok, next. Sometimes you gotta go Daft. “Digital Love” by Daft Punk.
me: I like Daft, but we're reaching my limit.
Jon: It’s all about pushing the limits. This next song is perfect. I seem to remember you not liking LCD Soundsystem? Didn’t you see them in concert or something?
me: UGH. A completely miserable concert. And a wasted $30. Don’t even try shoveling that shit here.
Jon: Ok, let’s be open minded now.
me: I was! But I am no more.
Jon: But we’ve come so far!
me: The concert sucked so hardcore. I was miserable.
Jon: The problem was that you weren’t ready to be rocked.
me: I was more than ready. I was so rockable.
Jon: LISTEN UP. THIS IS NOT A DEMROCKRACY. YOU DON'T CHOOSE THE SYLLABUS. Now listen to this and tell me it isn’t awesome: “Someone Great” by LCD Soundsystem.
me: We've officially reached my limit. I really don’t like this. And I’m not trying to be difficult.
Jon: This is throwing off my plan. Okay, fine. At least you learned a little. For sitting through my lesson, you get a graduate certificate from the Jon Paley School of Face Rocking.
me: Thank you, sir. This conversation might warrant a post in of itself.
And it did. Here's a copy of an actual certificate I received via email:
This document certifies that
THE PUMPERNICKEL
has graduated from the
Jon Paley School of Face Rocking.
Anyone who disputes that can take it up with the Rock gods.
THE PUMPERNICKEL
has graduated from the
Jon Paley School of Face Rocking.
Anyone who disputes that can take it up with the Rock gods.
9 comments:
Daft Punk - yes. Techno - not so much.
So many sub-sub-sub genres, so little time. And tunes!
Someone needs some Basement Jaxx in her life.
hi there, i actually went with the flow but like you .. hated the last one .. hahaha .. it was good though..
regards,
shaq
I saw the word "DEMROCKRACY" and of course had to try to say it out loud.
OUCH.
Hilarious! Love the blog. :-)
agree! I hate technos too. But certain occasional ones are alright for me.
And 1 thing I really dislike is when others blast off their ridiculous techno beats on their iPod so loud at public places like in the subway or their car.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJvM3m2hVzo
That's the techno I know and love.
I second that, Emily!
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