What To Do When Hit on by a Lady (and You're a Lady Too)

It turns not just the menfolk dig the Pumpernickel.

A few weekends ago, I went with some friends to Marvin, the U Street lounge known for its low lighting and jazzy atmosphere.

I was standing at the bar when approached by a tall blond in a tight red dress (that's a sentence I never thought I'd write). We were five minutes into what I thought was a casual conversation when I realized that those eyes she was giving me were not the wobbly, bleary look one acquires after one too many gin and tonics. They were sex eyes, no bones about it.

Upon arriving at this realization, I took the necessary steps to extricate myself. I returned to my friends, who apparently had seen the cogs turning in my *ahem* friend's head before I did.

After a little reflection, I realized there are three rules to which anyone in this situation should adhere:

1. Be flattered!
Someone just found you attractive enough to risk embarrassment over speaking to you. Even if you're not interested, remember that at the end of the day, this incident should really be an ego boost. Bonus points if your lady is smokin' hot. (Mine was, and she was a doctor! Cha-ching! If I was a homosexual, I would have hit the lesbian jackpot.)

2. Be friendly, but keep conversation short and sweet.
Don't lead the poor girl on. If you're not interested (who knows, you might find yourself surprised), it's best to wrap up the conversation and head to another part of the bar. Under no circumstance should you try to milk her for a free drink. Unless she's being overly aggressive, then by all means, make her buy you daiquiri. She had it coming.

3. Don't second guess it.
Sorry, boys. Just because a woman finds me attractive does not mean that I should begin questioning my sexuality, nor should anyone else in my situation. Ladies are much like fine works of art, admired by a wide range of people. Gay-dar is, despite what Dwight from 'The Office' might think, a myth.



If you couldn't already tell, the rules for disengaging a homosexual come on are pretty much identical to those for disengaging a heterosexual one. The players might be different, but the game remains the same.

Be nice, be courteous, and above all, be flattered.

Anywho, I must be off -- I'm exhausted from fending off suitors of both sexes. Such is the burden of the Pumpernickel!